Maths, again.

As well as doing a degree I am also doing a G.C.S.E.

Why, you might well ask, and I can join you in asking as I ask myself the same question regulaly!
Well. I might need it. Its the only answer I can give really. Its maths. I took the exam 5 times between the ages of 16-18 and the clostest I got was a D. The other marks were much, much worse!
Now being the grand old age of 'thirty-something' I decided to go and give it another go.
In class I can do it, but at home I cannot. I'm sure thats because no-one is holding my hand and its much bigger and harder at home, but never-the-less, I really cant do it. And in my head Im thinking 'and I dont want to', but I do. I might need it for what comes after my degree, and I dont want to not be able to do something that I want to do because of a bloody maths G.C.S.E.
So, I grit my teeth, (hard!) and get on with it I guess, and keep my fingers crossed for the summer.

lybx

Oddities

There are things that make up the charactor of a person that viewed from another may seem odd, maybe only a little or maybe seriously barking!
I steal tea-spoons. Obsessively. And without appology. If I see a tea-spoon that I think might be nice to eat yoghurt from, make no mistake about it....I'll take it! (obviously i dont want to display them....thats just silly) I have stolen from friends and resturants alike (oh no.....have given mother link to this page, I'm gonna get such a telling off!!) and will continue to do so until the criminal justice system tells me not to (or you mum!!xxx)
I have a thing about bubbles. In sinks and the bath. When the water is gone from said sink or bath, so should the bubbles be. I dont really understand why other people dont rinse them away, and have been known to stand and do it for them until such time as I am sure that they are gone. Why dont people realise you use a product to produce bubbles to get rid of the dirt. The bubbles hang on to the dirt. If you leave the bubbles in the sink, the dirt is there too!!! Its a simple concept. But the bubbles are where the dirt is!!!!!
Stairs. I cant go down them without holding on to the bannister with my right hand. Unless very drunk! Then I can.
Time. I check my alarm clock alot while in bed. I have been known to wake up just to see what time it is, and when I had a general in hospital it was all I asked, alot, when i was coming round.

Now having read all that, you are 'prolly thinking either 'bless' or 'oh dear god, what a nutter!'
Have a think though, about what makes you a little different than the next person.
I quite like my little oddities, and I have a great collection of fabulous tea-spoons!

lybx

therapy?

I had an 'Enid Byton' childhood. My father is a farmer and we lived in a big house with lots of land and animals. Because we had the space and the stables I rode competetively during my childhood. I was very lucky to have had the opportunities that I had and a very supportive mother who used to take me places to compete and generaly encourage me throughout. Which obviously I didnt appreciate at all.
I stopped riding in my late teens and didnt miss it. But as I got older I missed it more and more. My mum has riden all her life and rode extreamly well, completing dressarge tests, cross country courses and endurance (riding for miles and miles within a set time, both horse and rider have to be super-fit to do this) She has since 'retired' as pain got the better of her. She misses it.
My sister-in-law has a horse kept at mums that she has competed on also. I was so green with envy about all this horsey malarkie that( and in my defence I kept it in for years!) I had a bit of a hissy-fit, in a supermarket at my mother. This is not the way to get what you want from her. But I did it anyway!
A week later she phoned me to say that she had found me something to ride. (perhaps she and I should shop together more often!)
Enter Blade. The 'second horse' of a friend of my mums. He was bought for her children primarily but also becasue he had been badly treated previously and the lady that owns him now is an incredable horse woman, representing her country with her very orange, slightly unpredictable mare.
He is a bugger. I have honestly feared for my life at times in the stable. He doesnt like other people in there, which isnt terribly surprising as thats where he was beaten previously.
We have found a way together for him not to try and kill me and me not to run shreaking out of the stable.
To ride he is an absolute dream. I am not thin by any streach of the imagination, but he carries my enormous arse for miles. Happily.
For me going back to riding is like falling in love with a man. I talk obsessively about him, cant wait to see him and buy polos by the hundreds. He doesnt like all the lovey stuff , he doesnt know what to do because for the first 7 years of his live he recieved very little. But we're getting there. He does lean into me, has stopped biting me and pulling faces when I hug him and looks pleased to see me when I arrive.
Reciently I have trotted miles on him, dripping sweat, shouting, swearing and crying about life. He hasnt minded a bit. Why he cant swear as well I dont know. With the 'Blade-therapy', endorphines from trotting and the crying/shouting/swearing I feel better than I did. Alot of that is to do with Blade, and the opportunity that I was given to ride him.

lybx

Spin

Last night I watched George being evicted from the Big brother house.....(its not term time yet!) Now I love BB. Not for the psydo-celeb thing (Barrymore excuded, although how 'head-poorly is he? (And Dennis in the leotard....i could watch that again!!)) but for the social experiment of putting a group of people in a small space, outside their comfort zone normality and watch them be controlled by someone else. It fasinates me. Watching how people cope and the strategies they use to do so. I know that alot of people think that its crass and a bit 'news-of-the-worldy, but I dont. My life isnt enormously exciting, I dont go sky-diving, dont white water raft, dont jet-set around the globe for either buisness or pleasure (although terribly excited about going to the Isle of Man at easter!..but thats more about people than a place) its not that I am complaining about my life, it suits me very well just the way that it is, but is very enjoyable to watch someone elses even though its in a controlled enviroment. It a bit like having a coffee in a cafe when you sit outside and pretend to read, but actually people watch, which is something that I love to do.
George came out thinking that he was a good bloke! Which to me is so deluded and far from the truth its scarey. How can he be so unaware of himself? How can he 'say what he means and mean what he says' and think that thats ok, when he said and did the things that he did? (the cat thing I cant even watch, but cringe and have to shut me eyes when its shown!)
However, within minutes he had 'spun' things to make others believe of himself what he thought of himself. And I have no doubt that alot of people spun with him.
Now I dont have a problem with the whole 'spin' thing. I think its admirable when someone can turn things around from a bad situation and make it good, just by looking at the positive and not the negitive. I try to do it. I like the 'glass half full' thing, and concider myself generaly a half full kind of girl.
Surely there are limits to this? There has to be. Otherwise everything that happens that is truely dreadfull would then be ok. Just think of the examples.....natural disasters, bombings, wars, deaths and Geroge in the Big Brother house.

Robin?

I had a very odd experiance yesterday. I was driving to see a friend, and there were two cars in front of me. A honda in front and then a robin relient then me. The honda turned off, and the robin relient and I had to go into first gear behind the honda as he did so.
Then. .......off the robin relient went. Fast. Really fast!!! I drive a vauxhall vetra. It has a two litre engine and although its quite old I have a very heavy foot to compensate! Its not like I had to drop a gear and really drive to keep up with the 'terribly tasteful' sick green robin, but it went fast enough for me to think 'oh my god' .
It must have been a rougue robin. Escaped from a lab somewhere that makes them with different engines, because when did they start to go fast? It sat at 70mph for about 6 miles, after which we both went different ways at a roundabout. Not once did I think, as usual ' move or I'll ram you' (sunday driver types...v annoying!) and when it accelarated away it slightly left me gobsmacked.

Do I now have to change the way I see everything?....was it 'a sign?' (!) to make me re-think the things that I think?....... please dont let it be that....I dont have time!!!
NO. I think I like the 'rougue robin' idea. At least then I can write the essay thats in front of me, have a coffee and a fag with anyone that wants one, and not have to tax my feeble mind with the meaning of life.

Robin relients going fast.....honestly, who'd have believed it?


lybx

I am currently doing a degree. In my 30's. Its fantastic! There are obviously stressful parts, the essays, which are mostly 4000 words with a subject title that is not of your choosing, and one of my lecturers is, I am not afraid to say, a complete power-crazed twat!....his lectures aways fill me with dread, as he is not consistant with his teaching (and some would say his mental health needs questioning!) and on some occations he is your bestest friends 'come to me with anything' and sometimes he is very much 'stupid student....go away'. I have to say that unlike other people who keep their heads down about this issue, I, unsuprisingly to some, meet him head on! Its not that either of his 'little ways' is wrong, most lecturers pick one way or another.....its just him! He is a horrible little man.....and I find myself turning into a teenager when ever I am round him, wanting an argument and being a bit 'Vicky Pollard' around him. ...which probably says more about me than it does about him!
I also have to fit in life around it. My daughter has to have some form of childcare, I rarely see my friends and evenings in term time are not so much eastenders and ER as they are 'the criminal justice system' and 'the oxford handbook of criminology' (which actually is very good!)

All these moans aside, I cant go on enough about how much I love it. Money is thrown at you in vast bundles to go back to 'school'. I have made new friends, mostly much younger than me that can drink....my god they can drink! and that see things in a different way than me, they are mostly much more intelligent than me too, so they are always asking me for handcream and tissues and advice (apparently if your over 30 you know more and always have these things about your person!) I go to them with stuff that I just dont get about cultural criminology (yawn!) and it all seems to balence out.
I also am really enjoying learning again. Which really shocked me. My brain physically hurts (yes I know it cant really) at the start of each term for a week or so, but once started it soaks up knowledge in a way thats quite scarey!
Term starts again in two weeks until the middle of may. I cant wait! So to all those who are thinking about going back....do it, mature students rock! and it is my oppinion that one day we will take over the world!

lybx

laa-laa and wower

I have just had a fantastic weekend. My 'bestest friend', and I spent it together. We went to the cinema, went to a birthday party, and went to watch her middle son play rugby. It wasn't so much what we did, although all of it was fantastic, the cinema made us both laugh, and her cry. The party had good music, lovely food and the other people who were there were all in the party spirit. The rugby match was won convincingly and her son had alot to do with that, as he quietly and efficiently did what he was meant to do with a smile on his face, much like he does in his everyday life.
It was the 'bestest friend' thing. I slept for a couple of hours on saturday afternoon as my sleep pattern is not what I would like it to be and any catching up I can do is welcomed. Flat out, snoring my head off on her sofa, and I dont know why thats an important thing really, its just that I can, and it doesnt matter, to anyone, her three sons or her.....and she loves my dog. Who smells. Really smells. And is always in the way. Always...bless her she cant help these things and I love her more than I can tell you, and so does my 'bestie'.
We laughed alot, at things that I cant really explain. Real deep belly laughs, the ones that make you bend over and cross your legs! We talked about how long we had known each other, and how I had watched her sons grow from children into adults...well, one of them is an adult, one of them nearly is, and one of them will be one day! And how I felt it was an honour to watch and see who they would be as men. And how intertwined our lives are, but it was a passing thing, not indepth and emotional, but factual and a bit why-would-it-be-like-anything-else? .........which was the best thing about it. Why would it be? I cant imagine it to be any different. Ever.
And that is why I had such a bloody marvelous weekend.

lybx

Friendship.

I have thought alot receiently about the power of friendship.
I have had need of my friends over the last couple of months, and have just been bowled over by the level of support that I have had. Without exception, I have been protected, loved and supported, quietly and very loudly by exceptional people that mean the world to me.

So here's to friendship, something that I believe you cant do without. Someone to drink tea/wine/vodka with. Someone to shop with. Someone who listens. Someone who you do things with. Someone you do nothing with. Someone to ring in the middle of the night. Someone to hold you when you cry. Someone to support you. Someone to laugh with.
I have had need of all these 'someones'

And I cant thank them enough.

As I see it.

I was reading one of my dearest friends blog today as she lives far too far away for a coffee for my liking (she likes it!) and although I dont see her nearly enough it seems to me that this system of 'blog' is a good one.
At first I thought that it was slightly egotistical, thinking that thoughts of others would appeal to someone else to read even every now and again, and then it suddenly dawned on me.....its what we do every day in conversation, and we ask friends opinions all the time.
So this is mine. Writing about things I have either thought about alot, or not nearly enough to write about so other people can read. I can promise spelling mistakes and gramatical errors! But also the truth...As I see it.

lybx