Skinny Cat.

My cat Mima. Size wise she has never been thin. She has that second tummy thing going on that cats have, you know the one, the one that wiggles slightly when she moves fast. (which isnt very often!)

She lays in state on the sofa or the bed purring her head off when you stroke her, and 'chirruping' when you come into the room to say "hello, where have you been?....I need some lovin'" She lays around my neck when I am on the computer, because my legs are being used by the laptop and she needs to be able to bury her face under my ear and occationaly pat my cheek with her paw so that I put my mouth on the top of her head and kiss her.
She is terribly good company when your ill, never leaving your side (I think in a previous life she was a nurse) When E.J. comes her to recouperate when she has been ill or in hospital as she has on a couple of occations, Mima worried terribly and glued herself to the E.J. only leaving to eat or 'go outside' only pausing on the way back to update those not hovering by E.J's bed on the progress on the patient.

Anyway I dont know why I hadn't noticed, but she gotten terribly thin. I am worried. Mima's arent meant to be thin. They're meant to be voluptuous and georgous and Mima like. I have only recently wormed her so its not that. I went to the shop and bought expensive voluptuous making tinned food, and she is sooooo excited by that..bless her. She is eating it twice a day and I really hope it makes a difference.


lybxx

Man-therapy.

Every now and then I get a call from G.C.D. about my blog and what I have written. He cant remember his password to get into the comment section (why doesnt he get himself a new one?) Anyway tonight he had lots to say, and I thought I would tell you all what it was.

It was all about what I had written about feminism. And mostly about the comments written about that posting.
He was enormously scathing (no change there then!x) about me wanting it all. Wanting men to be all things. And then in the comments he blasted me about what I had written about manipulating men into carring things. He thought what Dave had written was spot on!!! (bloody men...always sticking together!!)

Then the conversation moved on to therapy. And the different kinds of therapy people may or may not need to deal with things that are all jumbled up in their heads. To put that jumbledness into some order and to put the lids back on the boxes of those things.
I asked him if he agreed with me about men not wanting to have therapy because it was not 'masculine' to ask for help to deal with things.
His answer was the *best* analagy I have heard for a long time.

"Men do have therapy. And we no less masculine for having it. Its just like asking someone to pass you a screwdriver to finish fixing something."

Inspired. Perfect man analagy. Brilliant.


lybxx

Another quote

While researching for an essay .... feminism stuff...which is an issue I dont know where I stand on actually.
Am I a feminist? Probably. But I dont want the label. I dont want to be an "ist" about anything really.....( ooo maybe that makes me a bit bland! )
I know I want the right to work and have the respect of my peers, both male and female, for a job well done. To have the right to not have the money paid to me to be less than a male doing the same job.
I want the right to have my opinions heard (!) and not dismissed because I am a woman.


But I also want men to be men. I like doors to be held open for me, and to walk on the inside of the pavement, and my order to be taken first by the waiter, not because the waiter thinks it should be that way, but because the man I am with knows its the right thing to do, but also, for men to be masculine.
Maybe thats about respecting people not about what sex you are. For gentlemen to be gentlemen and knowing that some people (me) like to have both things, a little bit of the patriarcial system of living with a large dollop of women being whatever they want to be.

Anyway I found this quote, which after rambling on, and not making an awful lot of sense I thought I would share with you!

Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. ~Faith Whittlesey

(she had great lip-gloss too!!)


lybxx

Questions and Answers

How much are you willing to compromise?

As previously mentioned my girlfriends and I have talked about how, when you live on your own there is no-one to disagree with the choices you make about your day to day life, and therefore the choices you make are always right.
Having said that, compromise is important. To those you love compromising around the things that they want and need is an easy thing, shaping your combined ideas around each other so that you dont even realise compromise is happening. Putting someone else first is something that when you are in a mutually loving relationship is a delight to do.

So, what are you not willing to compromise on?... for me its fundamental things that I hold dear to me. Obviously compromising the time I spend with Small cannot be moved, manipulated or changed. Racism sexism and homophobia I find abhorrant. And I will not compromise myself to tolorate them.
I also will not compromise on sharing a man with someone else. I dont think anyone should. Knowing that they are with someone else when you start a relationship with them is one thing, and you have to make your own mind up on the morality of that. But finding out that they are seeing you and someone else is something I walk away from. Without confrontation. Knowing is enough. Talking about it just gives the other person the opportunity to justify their actions. Which I am not interested in.

....We are all worth more than that!


lybxx

Pink Bucket?

Being single has rewards. The freedom of being able to make decisions that are based on you and you alone is one that some people in relationships envy. The flip side of that is, obviously that you only have yourself to think about, and crave the 'partnership' of a relationship.

Talking to other single friends we all agree that when you have been single a while and have interviewed a fair amount of people, you build walls. To protect yourself from being hurt. (And when you live alone you are always right (hmmmm maybe thats just me!!)) so compromise is difficult.
When you meet someone that passes the interviewing process with flying colours, the walls issue raises it ugly head....should you let them down and risk being hurt? or keep them there, just in case the person concerned passed the interview by being the person you want them to be, not by being the person they actually are, and therefore not being worth the whole sledgehammer and Bob The Builder hat.

I want the promised Pink Bucket. But have problems with walls and running away when I get too close to people, and trusting my own judgement about people, let alone trusting the person concerned.

Time will tell I guess. Alot of time. (Re-reading this, I think I need the people in the white uniforms and the rooms with the bouncy walls, not a Pink Bucket!) I hope that it doesnt take too long, or the candidate concerned might not be there when I stop running.


lybxx

This time last week.

This time last week I was in the 1950's. Feeling quite hungover but with the wind in my face blowing it away.

About this time last week we were standing at a tiny beach beside the castle. The castle is on the right and it provides shelter from the elements as it stands on its grassy mound facing the Irish sea. There is huge rocks to the left of the beach leading up to "The Hill"...which again is huge....I keep worring that they will, with cavilier jollyness say we are going to walk up it! (I wouldnt make it, and I cant see Lovely husband giving me a piggy back!) Anyway this beach faces the Irish sea and is narrow with shelter either side of it.

The result of this is wind. Really Big Wind. Last week we stood there, Leaning into the wind...and you really had to, standing upright was a bit of a struggle, not because of the hang over, but because the wind was so strong you had to! Its instant effect was to blow the hang over from your body, ripping it from your head and kidneys leaving you feel refreshed and clean.
When we walked away from the beach the outside of my body felt cold especially my ears, there was salt spray on my face which when I licked my lips tasted great, my glasses were splattered with spray and I was snuggled into my coat and scarf to warm up again.

But it was great! The power of the sea and the wind is something I will never tire of being in awe of. Watching the enormous waves crashing onto the rocks producing white spray that rockets into the air with the wind whipping the spray still further.... its...well....magical to watch.

I love my life. All of it. But if there was a beach like that a short walk from my front door.....I could live with that!!!


Lybxx

Debate.

Today at uni we had a debate on rape. I had to be a rapist who was unconcerned and unashamed with his behaviour.

Once I had distanced myself from the whole "I'm a rapist etc..." the debate was fantastic. There was alot of us in the room, and mostly when that happens only a few speak, with the lurkers lurker at the back firmly not talking. Today everyone, because of the subject matter was interupting each other and getting really passionate and vocal about the whole thing.

There were alot of points that were discussed very emotively, and because I am the charactor I am I really enjoyed playing devils advocate throwing things into the debate that would set all the victims (the other side of the house) off again......actually.... I only said a few things, it amazed me, there are folk at uni who would rather die then talk in front of a class full of people, who made me sit there with my mouth open with shock..... getting right into the whole thing.

The debate, which was meant to last about 45 mins was still running 2 hours later.....and we still had things to say when the lecturer called a halt to the procedings.

I learnt alot today. About peoples attitudes to rape in particular and sex generally that I would never have found out had we not had that debate. (some of it...in hindsight I would rather not have known!) About how I really feel about it, and the law around rape, in particular the whole system of having to convince so many people that this has happened...only 8% of rape cases actually get to court..... an issue that needs further investigation and thought by the criminal justice system.


lybxx

Its a fine line.

I was taken to a place on the island that housed two aircraft type hangers. In one (oooo can you read that without hearing Bullseye?) you had the most enormous collection of second hand books. On shelves, on the floor and in huge wicker baskets, baskets so big you couldnt possibly get to three quarters of the books.
In the other hanger there was....well.....everything! Second hand. Eww. There were childrens tat and household tat....I spied a sieve that was covered in rust and broken....and that was the tip of the iceburg! There were magnets and cards and I really didnt want to touch anything, as it was all old and dirty and the smell of cat pee was everywhere, with particualy strong patches of it in the corners!

All this proves to me that even in a place that I think is pretty much perfect there are teeny tiny places within it that are not!

And it was a fine line between laughter and horror.

Thankfully, the next place I was taken on my Island education was The Most Perfect Beach. It was stoney and the wind was blowing hard and took your breath away. There was a lighthouse painted white with a red stripe around it and you could see for miles.
........ balence and faith restored I filled my pockets with stones and stared at the sea and the sky marveling at the beauty.

The I Love You Beach was amazing because of the stones with the holes in. This beach had pink stones!


lybxx

Brunch.

There is a tradition on the island that they go for brunch on sundays to a cafe on the sea front. They always arrive at the same time (just after it opens) and there order is, I am sure, already being cooked as they always order the same thing. .....well...... except this week....when lovely husband ordered something else!!!!!! (world did actually rock on its axis, and waitresses face was hilarious!)

I was firmly sat inbetween them, in a kind of "we are your parents and you will behave with our friends, or there is no pocket money" way (grin)

Then GG and LB (lovely boyfriend) arrived. It was so good to meet her. The picture in my head didnt do her justice. She's great! Twinkly and pretty and so clever she knew the weekend puzzle of turnips and swedes being one and the same thing...not actually two different vegetables (who knew???!!)
We sat and chatted terribly easily, ordered and ate (felt sorry for LB.....who so chose the wrong thing!) and then we went our seperate ways.

I think that sometimes when those closest to us make friends with someone else, there can be noses put out of joint for some. School playground behaviour sometimes takes over. However, I cant wait to meet her again, maybe with wine involved, I have a feeling that when pissed the three of us women would change the world! (or at least laugh alot trying!)


lybxx

Isle of Manness

Its lovely.

All of it.

Particualy the people that live there. ...well two of them are perfect!
She asked me on the way back from the airport what I thought her house would be like, I replied that it didnt matter. And it didnt. I knew what it would feel like. (for the record its perfect, the furniture is beautiful and there are little things everywhere that tell you alot about both the history of the house and the people that now live there)

I was put at the top of the house in my room. You can see the most beautiful moving picture of the island from the window, and in the mornings I opened the cirtains and just layed in bed and stared.

Their hospitality was amazing. I'm sure their usual weekends dont include an enormously loud laughing drunk guest! But I am so glad they didnt mind! (lovely husband did, it has to be said, look a little 'oh dear god' at times, but in true lovely husband stylie he covered it well!! xx)

It was just so good to re-connect with her again. I cant imagine not being able to do that. She makes me feel safe and loved and whole. The opportunity to have no barriers up with someone is a remarkable thing.



lybxx

That caffine feeling (linkage!!!)

When I have caffine its like I have ants under my skin. I am twitchy and restless. My stomach feels like a washing maching on its spin cycle, and I have a strange lump in my throat, which is pushed aside my talking....non-stop and loudly without pausing for breath.

This also happens when I am excited.

This has happened alot today. Tonight I have a pack a suit case remembering all the things I want to take...never easy, I always forget something! ...I also have to leave enough food and water for the cats and guinea-pigs because tomorrow after taking Small to school and staying to watch the assembly her class is giving, then racing to Mumby's to drop off Stinky.

Because then I am getting on a plane (very small/scary/slow) and going to the 1950's.


I have looked forward to this for so long....since the last time I went actually. I have bored everyone ridged over the last couple of weeks telling them how many more 'sleeps' it is until I go......and telling them how excited I am about it.

Tomorrow!!! its tomorrow!!!!!


See you soon my oldest dearest three dimentional friend. ......very soon.....one more sleep!!!


G.R.I.N.




lybxx

Tea/Coffee

Having asked friend of O.D.F. if he wants milk or sugar has made me think about stuff......the whole making drinks and the importance of it being "just so".

I like my tea and coffee black with one sugar. (yes....... just like ....) however, there is a couple of clauses in that

1) Really dont give me caffine. Its not a good thing. I get noisyer and noisyer and more and more fidgety whilst wildly waving my arms and giggleing. And this can go on for some time.....hours in fact.
2) Tea. Dont be leaving the bag in for longer than it takes to pour on the hot water. And please, dont squeeze the bag as it exits the cup...it tastes nasty that way. And the same amount of cold water (to avoid tongue burning) that you would usually put in of milk.
3) Much easier! Cold water in first, again the same amount that you would put in for those people who have it, and then just as it comes.

Its important!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......oh god, I'm really weird arent I?


lybxx

"that question"

I was asked last night by someone that I dont know very well what I wanted, where I thought I would be, what my life would look like in 10 years time.

He also said not to think about it, he wanted reaction, not concidered, but a gut/heart reply.

I hate these questions. I feel put on the spot. I try my hardest not to answer questions like this, immediatly turning it round while asking for time to think to the other person, and once you have asked a couple of questions about what they have said, and talked about it, they have nearly always forgotten that they have asked you in the first place.

He wouldnt let me do that! (which was unsual) So I did what he asked. My reply was like this.

I want to earn, not a huge amount, but higher than the national average for full time work, but actually only working part time. I dont think I want to work full time. I like arseing about....be that on my own, with other people/dog/horse. I love being around for Small, and although in 10 years time she will be 18 (oh dear god) and wont need or prolly want me around I will still need to be for her.
I want a big garden. As I have gone on and on previously about time spent in the garden makes me happy. I dont know if its being outside or the growing things or what it is, but I get enormous satisfaction from it.
I want (oh bugger, I am going to get such stick for the remainder of this sentance) to be in a relationship that makes other people sick. I want the 'click/fit/soulmate' thing. I dont know if I believe in it, ....and am guessing that maybe you have to to get it....... but I want it. I have known 3 couples in my adult life that if they split up the world would stop turning. When I hear that most couples have split, I'm sad for them, but not that suprised, for these three couples, it would actually deeply shock me. I dont know if I will ever get that, I dont think I'm a terribly easy person to live with, and the high maintainence thing is always open for debate! (actually I dont think I am that bad, I think everyone is high maintainence to a cirtain extent, I think that if you really *get* someone, then the high maintianence thing just goes away)

So, after answering this question I skuttelled off to the bar. Opening myself up to someone I dont know very well is not a thing I do easily, and I needed time away to recover! Then once returned made the conversation turn to more comfortable things, where I felt I could join in more easily!


lybxx

Friends of Friends.

Today I sent an email to a friend of oldest dearest friend. I gently reminded him of his 'responsibilities' of friendship.

And recieved a lovely reply. It seems that friend of o.d.f. and I may well meet. He works based in his car providing a mobile service of fixing stuff...(.not entirely sure what!!! ) and without knowing it, he pretty much drives past my front door, give or take a couple of miles.

I have offered tea/coffee/loo to friend of o.d.f. whenever he needs it. I actually cant wait to meet him... having seen pictures of him and his wedding and heard various stories about him I have formed a basic picture of him in my head...which I know will only be added to when I meet him.

So, friend of o.d.f...... milk?......sugar?

grin


lybxx

Essayage

Over the next month I have to write essays. The next one to be attempted is " Why do men rape?"
Rape is defined in the Sexual Offences Act 2003 as ;

Rape
	(1) A person (A) commits an offence if-
	(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,
	(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and
	(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
	(2) Whether a belief is reasonable is to be determined having regard to all the circumstances, including any steps A has taken to ascertain whether B consents.
	(3) Sections 75 and 76 apply to an offence under this section.
	(4) A person guilty of an offence under this section is liable, on conviction on indictment, to imprisonment for life.

There is a famous quote from a feminist writter Susan Brownmiller from her book Against her Will.

Man’s structural capacity to rape and woman’s corresponding structural vulnerability are as basic to the physiology of both our sexes as the primal act of sex itself. Had it not been for this accident of biology, an accomodation requiring the locking together of two separate parts, penis into vagina, there would be neither copulation nor rape as we know it. Anatomically one might want to improve on the design of nature, but such speculation appears to my mind as unrealistic. The human sex act accomplishes its historic purpose of generation of the species and it also affords some intimacy and pleasure. I have no basic quarrel with the procedure. But, nevertheless, we cannot work around the fact that in terms of human anatomy the possibliity of forcible intercourse incontrovertibly exists. This single factor may have been sufficient to have caused the creation of a male ideology of rape. When men discovered they could rape, they proceeded to do it.

When men discovered they could rape, they proceeded to do it??? wow, now thats a very challenging and powerful statement.

While we were discussing this quote at school, in a group situation, the men were understandably furious at this quote initially. We talked for over an hour about this one quote, and at the end of it, when all the indignant feelings were quietened we concluded that yes, as a quote we all agreed with it. Because you cant not. Its almost factual. But the discussion about it was great!

lybxx

Pride

It was parents evening on wednesday.

Small, as the time to go in to talk to the teacher got more and more 'mummy, you know you shouldnt be tooooo cross if its not good' and ' I havent been at this school long you know'
I thought this was hilarious and kept a straight-mummy-face while inside was really really laughing as I remembered saying the same thing to my parents when they went to parents evenngs.

Small has been only half a term at this school. She has to make new friends in a very tight knit village school. She has had to adapt her behaviour greatly as children at this school are all a bit.....well......nice I guess the word is....she went to a town school before and they were much more agressive and 'hard'.


There is a rule in my house, that as long as I hear/see the phrase 'has tried' then I will forgive alot of things.

She got it in spades. Thats all I heard. Not a "she talks too much" was spoken. (I did ask if they had the right child at one point) But all her teacher said to me was how impressed she had been and was continues to be with Small. ....oh and apparently she needs to write more in english..

I walked out of the classroom fit to pop. She has done so well. It has all been down to her. No-one has helped her out with this. She has done it all. Walked into a new enviroment and seen what she has needed to do, and then done it.

I am so proud of her.


lybxx

Orders from "across"

"More Posts" was the order! (pot and kettle were words that sprung to my mind!)

So, here are my randem thoughts for today!
The weather today is glorious. Sunny, no wind but with a little bit of 'bite' to it...if you know what I mean. This is my absolutly favorate weather..... coat and scaves can be worn if walking a long way, but its more for comfort than really needing to. ...oooo slight diversion.... yesterday I bought a university scarf. There are various hoody/jumpery things that you can buy from the uni I go to, but they all say the name of the university, which is fine, but there is serious laughing at the 'Ruskin' students from the other Cambridge University (the clever one) students (they call us the Early Learning Centre....which is nice!) and I dont want any part of that. So I got a scarf..... it makes me feel all 'studenty', and clever! ...and as no-one really knows which colours belong to which university I can pretend that I am one of the clever people!

In a weeks time I shall be at the airport ready to board the very-small-plane-that-takes-forever--really-forever-- to get to the 1950's. I hope I am sitting next to a nice person, like I was last time, that doesnt mind the wimpering and deep breath taking when said very small plane turbulantly crosses a very small streach of water! I am SO EXCITED about going. The 1950's make me feel whole.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of a bad thing that happened ...well as it turned out, not such a bad thing after all!! (grin) I shall be watching the fireworks with a smile on my face remembering the good times, and I hope he is too.

Thank you doesnt seem big enough to say to the people that have held me up over the last year.

I couldnt have done it without you.


loveyoubye xx

Birthday Girl!

Last Friday was my birthday.

I had a lovely lovely day. Small woke me with pressies.....that she had done herself...an oil painting.... its fantastic, pink swirley background with hearts and flowers on it. ~Its obviously in pride of place.

Having seen alot of people during the day, I put my feet up for an hour or so before starting to cook. I had invited my nearest and dearest for dinner, and although the starter and pudding was being bought by other people I had to make the main course.
My approach to cooking is fairly randem. I cook things I like well, and with passion, throwing things into the pan and not even looking at a book. I took this approach to a beef casarole. Throwing things into the pan and then the pan into the oven for 3 hours!
God it was gooooooddd!! (beef, wine and chocolate....try it!!)

There was 5 of us for dinner. (I had wished for 8) These are the people that I love the most. That know me the best.

We had a very wine fueled, noisy, happy and loving dinner roaring with laughter. We then played 'Cranium' ....very good game that was won 3 times by the same person...it didnt seem to matter who they played with, they just won!! (very irritating!)


I made several wishes during the evening for the coming year....mainly about keeping those I love safe and healthy. And for there to be two more at my table in a years time.

It was a fantastic way to celebrate my 35th year.


lybxx

Provider/Pimp

Bloody Virgin. (thats so funny!)


Ten days ago I couldnt get on line, so I phoned the man at virgin, who said they didnt know why they had disconnected me......not much help that statement really is it?.....which I repeatedly pointed out (!) but despite it being virgins fault reconnection still takes a mighty long time.

So, now I have alot to write about, which you will prolly get in dribs and drabs over the next couple of weeks.


lybxx